A Fresh Start? It Still Feels the Same.

So in most ways, moving back to Florida was definitely better. I feel like a nicer person living here. One of the first things I noticed on moving back was that I don't cuss nearly as much while I'm on the road. Of course I've had the occasional "you moron" and the "you really don't know how to drive do you?" But no F-bombs thus far. I'm happier here despite the job search not going as planned.

I've applied to several places, I have at least 5 applications in with the department of education. It's only been 3 weeks since I started searching and applying, so I have to keep the faith. I broke down and went for an interview at a restaurant. I sat in the parking lot and stared in my side mirror at the restaurant behind me. I was reflecting upon the fact that I'm 26 and am sitting in the parking lot of a restaurant, again. This is not where I thought I would be professionally. I had to mentally psych myself up. "Think about networking, you'll be getting out of the house, you'll be building up your savings." It put me in a better mood, so I went in. It was just after three when I sat down. I waited 20 minutes, sat down and was asked 3 questions, "What position are you applying for, name a strength, name a weakness" - I answered those and was told that I was great. Amazing- such hard questions... Next I interviewed with the General Manager who asked me "Why don't you want to be a manager? I'll get with R and see where we can fit you in." Later I get a call from R asking me how the interview went, I tell him, he says the GM wants me as a manager. I know R doesn't, or at least he's making it sound like he doesn't. To be honest I don't want to either. I know I hang a lot of blind optimism on the word "if" but if I get called in for an interview somewhere, I'll have a lot more flexibility as a server than a manager.

Writing this just gets me depressed. I saw an article where they project unemployment to be high for at least another decade. How can they even forecast that? And what a load of confidence. I always thought I'd be something. I just don't know what it is. It's so much easier to sit back and think about the things I know I wouldn't enjoy, or wouldn't like doing-why is it so difficult to pin point what it is I would actually like?

I did start volunteering with the Girl Scouts. A friend of mine is a troop leader and wanted me to come help her. So, now I'm co-leader. Which is pretty neat, and a lot of fun. It's giving me something to do. :)

Otherwise, I can't sleep. It's almost 2 am. I was laying in bed from 11:30 to about 1:30am but couldn't get my brain to just stop thinking. Random thoughts. If only my thoughts were compartmentalized, kept in individual tupperware containers. I could just close all the containers and stop the thoughts-at least for a little while.