Kerli

I hardly ever pass along a song; but, it's a song that's inspiring to me and makes me feel better. Music to me is a mood enhancer. If I need to dance, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I'll put on Lady Gaga. If I need a boost and rage, Marilyn Manson comes to mind. If I want to sing at the top of my lungs, Lenka is always a great fall back. Kerli is a band I enjoy, I love the vocals and the lyrics. The music videos are twisted beyond belief, which I kind of enjoy. "The Creationist" is one of those songs that I like to listen to when I feel down, as well as Jem's "Just a Ride". But for now, I'll just leave the video for "The Creationist". It's not a music video, but it's her song. Lyrics at the bottom, just in case. Enjoy.

This is an old and funny poem
I accidentally overheard
It keeps the little children playing
And bigger children spread the word
My memory is bad
So I always tend to forget how it goes but

Life is my creation, is my best friend
Imagination is my defense
And I'll keep walking when skies are gray
Whatever happens was meant that way

You're no better or no worse than the others
We are all the same
And life is just a moment
You might as well enjoy this day
It's time to start believing
Everything you want is on it's way and

Life is my creation, is my best friend

Imagination is my defense
And I'll keep walking when skies are gray
Whatever happens was meant that way

We'll be growing, into knowing
While we're flowing
Keep on going

Life is my creation, is my best friend
Imagination is my defense
And I'll keep walking when skies are gray
Whatever happens was meant that way
I'm a creationist, oh, I'm a creationist

This is an old and funny poem
I accidentally overheard

A Fresh Start? It Still Feels the Same.

So in most ways, moving back to Florida was definitely better. I feel like a nicer person living here. One of the first things I noticed on moving back was that I don't cuss nearly as much while I'm on the road. Of course I've had the occasional "you moron" and the "you really don't know how to drive do you?" But no F-bombs thus far. I'm happier here despite the job search not going as planned.

I've applied to several places, I have at least 5 applications in with the department of education. It's only been 3 weeks since I started searching and applying, so I have to keep the faith. I broke down and went for an interview at a restaurant. I sat in the parking lot and stared in my side mirror at the restaurant behind me. I was reflecting upon the fact that I'm 26 and am sitting in the parking lot of a restaurant, again. This is not where I thought I would be professionally. I had to mentally psych myself up. "Think about networking, you'll be getting out of the house, you'll be building up your savings." It put me in a better mood, so I went in. It was just after three when I sat down. I waited 20 minutes, sat down and was asked 3 questions, "What position are you applying for, name a strength, name a weakness" - I answered those and was told that I was great. Amazing- such hard questions... Next I interviewed with the General Manager who asked me "Why don't you want to be a manager? I'll get with R and see where we can fit you in." Later I get a call from R asking me how the interview went, I tell him, he says the GM wants me as a manager. I know R doesn't, or at least he's making it sound like he doesn't. To be honest I don't want to either. I know I hang a lot of blind optimism on the word "if" but if I get called in for an interview somewhere, I'll have a lot more flexibility as a server than a manager.

Writing this just gets me depressed. I saw an article where they project unemployment to be high for at least another decade. How can they even forecast that? And what a load of confidence. I always thought I'd be something. I just don't know what it is. It's so much easier to sit back and think about the things I know I wouldn't enjoy, or wouldn't like doing-why is it so difficult to pin point what it is I would actually like?

I did start volunteering with the Girl Scouts. A friend of mine is a troop leader and wanted me to come help her. So, now I'm co-leader. Which is pretty neat, and a lot of fun. It's giving me something to do. :)

Otherwise, I can't sleep. It's almost 2 am. I was laying in bed from 11:30 to about 1:30am but couldn't get my brain to just stop thinking. Random thoughts. If only my thoughts were compartmentalized, kept in individual tupperware containers. I could just close all the containers and stop the thoughts-at least for a little while.

I'm Home! :)

So, we are officially relocated. Our trip down seemed to take forever. I am so happy we stopped and stayed with our friends in GA. It was so nice to relax and not have to drive. Cali did very well on the drive. She only complained when she was placed in the crate, but not in the car. Griz slept the whole drive down.

A couple days after we moved here my mom and sister came up to help. It was very nice to see them and we had a lot of fun. We did a lot of shopping! :D

This past week Andy's mom and sister came to visit. His little sister is looking into colleges, so we gave her a tour of the campus. The campus has changed a lot! New buildings, it's very pretty.

 Kris and I in front of the stadium. 

Soaking our feet in the fountain on Landis Green. 

I've started applying for jobs. Most of the positions I've applied to are located in the Capitol building working with the DOE. I hope I get at least acknowledged. I'd like to get my hopes up, but the last three years have just been so horrible job wise. Trying to remain realistic without seeming pessimistic is hard. 

I was up at 6:30 this morning. His family left and the bathroom is located through our bedroom. Hard to sleep when people are going in out of the bathroom and turning lights off an on. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I know me-I'd of woken up feeling like crap later today. So, instead I've been relaxing in my chair my mom bought me. I brought out my down comforter and a pillow. It's like I'm in a very nice plushy cocoon. I had planned on cleaning today-we'll see if that happens. ;)

Mookies (A Post About Moving and Cookies)

Big week ahead. Andy and I are going to steam clean the carpet this weekend and take our couch down to the bulk trash unit. FINALLY! I have wanted to get rid of this couch for about a year. The couch never bothered me in the other apartment, of course the couch's purpose was different. In the studio we had the bed, and the couch was used as a dumping ground for purses, coats, etc. In this place, we actually use the couch, but it is so uncomfortable. A part of my body always falls asleep whenever I sit on it.

Woo!! Bye Bye couch!!

I want to pack up the kitchen this weekend. That way I have Monday and Tuesday to deep clean. For a few days we'll be living like we're camping. I go to get the trailer on Wednesday. We'll be packing that evening and then leaving Thursday morning to drive to Atlanta. So far I've mocked the move out in the living room on our area rug. The rug is the same size as the trailer.

I've added more since then, but you get the gist.

In other news....

I've set a goal to design 20 cookie recipes, take pictures and make a book. So far I have completed two recipes that I think are pretty yummy. I need to make more local friends to taste cookies so I don't get fat. I just ate a batch of 30 cookies this past week, and just made another batch of 24. Same cookie, but modified the recipe-second time around was damn good-and a keeper. I keep a pad by my bed to write down ideas. I guess I had the Wizard of Oz on my mind last night because I came up with a "wicked" cookie and "Glinda's cookie"- still need a catchier name for that one. Still trying to decide on what type of cookie to make for Dorothy. The cookie I made this past time was inspired by Sar. Never in my life had I ever had a s'more until I went to the mountains with her family. So my "Want S'more?" cookie was inspired by that. I wrote down 8 cookie ideas last night. My next one on my to do list was inspired by my sister and a bit of Ireland.

"Want S'more?" - is that a cookie or a question? :P

I went to the District this past week to have lunch with my friend. It was nice to catch up with her but I completely killed my calf muscles. The escalator to the metro was down. Didn't seem like a big deal since I had to go down, but I forgot you use more muscles going down than up. 2 days and my calf muscles feel like jell-o. They hurt when they're touched. If I even try to stand on my tippy toes I want to cry, and I've never hated living on the second floor more than I do now. Dear lord going down the stairs is a bitch! However, always a silver lining- I got a pretty decent picture of Dorothy's shoes while I was there. I had really wanted to see Einstein though. I have a picture with the statue from many years ago-and not many people know about him. He's one of the few statues in the District that you can climb on. I just couldn't make it there in the heat and pain- too damn far to walk.

Enough rambling-I should think of some more recipes before bed. :)

WTF?

I'm sick AGAIN!! This is 3 times in less than a month! All the same symptoms. I have to be allergic to something in my house. All this moving and stirring up of dust and shit must be making me sick. That's all I can come up with. Though, today Andy is sick too. So perhaps he gave me something that's just kinda hanging out in my throat/lungs. Whatever I've had it started in my nose, then dropped to my throat, now it's dropped to my lungs. What the hell is next? I feel fine other than the agitation of whatever is camped out in my throat/lungs. I can't afford to be sick with this crap, I have A LOT to do in the next 3 weeks. This is similar to whatever the hell I got in 2007 that stayed with me for 6 weeks. All the same symptoms.

So far I've got us a place to live, and I've got us out of this place (so I hope-placing a lot of faith in Leah to settle all our stuff so that we don't get screwed). I still have to transfer everything over to the new address, once I get it. I'm overwhelmed and excited.

The job market sucks, as it does everywhere. I've applied to one job so far, it took me about 3 hours of frustration to do so. I'm hoping that I at least get acknowledged. The Tallahassee Democrat is horrible to find jobs, it's all sketchy advertising. The government job website for Florida will be under construction until the 21st-so that's a no go. The book I had that has sites for job listings I thought I had kept out, but either accidentally donated it, or packed it. So, fuck. I'll keep looking tomorrow in between coughing fits.

I took alka setlzer tablets today. I took them a couple years ago and they really helped. You're supposed to mix two tablets with half a cup of water. I didn't bother measuring-so I eyed it. As I was waiting for it to dissolve I had to mentally psych myself up- "it's sprite, just sprite, drink it you wuss, it's sprite!" Three rapid swallows followed by thoughts of "keep it down Jen, don't puke, keep it down!" Then looking at the glass to see that I hadn't even drank half of what I poured. Two more swallows followed by gag reflexes. Still looking at what's left in the glass thinking to myself "fuck that's a lot" - so I poured the rest into a measuring cup. I had exactly half a cup in my cup- really should have measured it before hand. I was already so close to puking, and I couldn't stand the taste of it on my tongue. So, I grabbed a straw, stuck it way back in my throat and "Manned up". Horrible experience, absolutely horrible. In my head all I could hear was "Fuckkkkk, that's awful!! Ohhhh shit!! Keep it down Jen, we do NOT want to do that again! Oh this shit better be worth it!! Who the hell thought this was good???"

Not so sure I want to do that to myself again. It's been 4 hours though, and the stuff does work.

Off to make some dinner. Tuscan chicken with penne pasta tonight. :)

Day 525 of Mah Captivity

I haz worked on mah camouflaging abilities. I practice by following the long haired humon to the humon litter box. Wen the long haired humon gets in, I crouch on the floor and wait. The keyz to stay low to ground so humon cannot detect you. When long haired humon approaches I wil jumpz and startlz it. The long haired humon wil be at mah mercy.

Mission failed. Long haired humon must haz kitty detection capabilities. Long haired humon laugh, and take picters.

Laterz I switch it up. I came up with a plan to catch humons off guard. Tharz a big box in the room with hole on the side. Iz will climb in and destroyz them. Soz I did.

Mission failed. Long haired humon takes pictures. Short haired humon videos this and uploadz video onto the interwebs. Short haired humon taunts me.

Iz wil keep plotting mah ezcapes. One dayz the humons wil pay for my humiliationz.

A Dash of This and a Dollop of That

This is a blog about nothing really. I believe this is the start of my summer vacation. I have no idea where I'll end up or what I'll be doing. That last sentence seems to be my mantra for the past 3 or so years since we moved here.

I've been reading a few books by Robert Fulghum. I am really enjoying them. I was a bit surprised to find out that they are located in the self help section of the book store. His words do make you take a step back and think. He has an unusual way of looking at things, which I find refreshing.

I have found myself to be rather judgmental lately. Catching myself thinking nasty thoughts about people I don't even know and then mentally scolding myself for even having such thoughts. This city just irritates me. Driving in this city is such a pain in the ass, going anywhere is always exhausting. By the time we reach our destination I'm mentally exhausted from having cursed the whole ride there. The people in this city lack all common courtesy and really don't know how to drive. Rarely does anyone allow others to merge, and rarely do I see someone stop at a stop sign. Most of the places we go are within 3 miles of apartment. Driving there usually takes about 20-30 minutes. Metro use is available, and we do facilitate it from time to time. It's really useful for going into DC, otherwise not much use until they make a stop at the grocery store. I would so love that. Our grocery store is 2 miles away and yet I can't seem to ever get there in under 20 minutes.

I've been doing a lot of baking lately. My mother gave me a cookbook dedicated to all things chocolate. The little choir of angels in my head immediately begin to sing once the book is open. I tried my hand at Viennese Chocolate Fingers. A very light cookie. Only has 5 ingredients, all of which are almost always stocked in my baking cabinet.

*Yes, I have a whole cabinet dedicated to all things baking. I am really not OCD, but I am very psychotic about my kitchen. Even my spices are labeled with my label maker and are placed in my spice rack in alphabetical order. I wish I could say that's as crazy as it gets, but it gets much much worse.*

Anyways, the cookies are not hard to make. They do take a long time, you have to pipe out the cookies, and wait for them to cool entirely before you dip them in chocolate. They are a lot of fun to make. It is nice to know that no matter how chaotic my day may be at work, cooking always soothes me. When I take my baked goods into work I'm always asked "Why don't you do this for a living?" and I always respond the same "Because I love it". I know that sounds odd, why wouldn't you want to be paid to do what you love? Quite simply, because I don't want what I love to become a source a stress. Culinary arts are just that, art. Creative freedom. The presentation, the display. I love that. I have a display case on my counter where I proudly display the weeks baked goods. It's like playing store. Lift up the glass dome and enjoy!

Eventually I'll get the proper shape. Until then, they'll all be different sizes. *Which annoys me.

Anyhow, still waiting to hear if we're moving or not. I really, really hope we are. I love moving. It gives me an excuse to go through my past belongings and say good bye to the crap I don't use and forgot I had. Most people allow themselves a junk drawer. You know, a place to put the odds and ends that don't really have a place. Monica from FRIENDS used the closet. I allow myself a box. A Jimmy John's sub box to be exact. I have it placed in my coat closet. It's my only thing that is slightly chaotic. As I reflect, I'm beginning to realize that perhaps I am a bit OCD. My linen closet is broken down into sections. For example, the floor under the shelves is where I keep the toilet cleaner and brushes, the shelf above that is all cleaning supplies-organized and facing out so you can read all the labels, next shelf up is toiletries and our first aide kit...again all organized and labels facing out (always stocked with shampoo/conditioner, soaps so that we're never in an "Oh crap we ran out of _______" moment), the shelf above that are our towels organized by color, then above that our sheets-organized by what type and again yes color/season, above that our air mattress and extra pillows.

Good lord even my closet is organized. I do not have a dresser. All of my clothes are organized into sections. The ones that hang are placed into these sections: Button up, if they have to be worn over something, dress, and casual. Each section is then organized by sleeve length, and if it's a dress-they're organized by where they fall. My pants are organized by occasion and by length. I seriously have issues.

You will not find one cabinet that isn't organized in my apartment. I sort of, in a sick way take comfort in that fact. I know where things are even if my life is a mess.

I'll end on that note.